Prof. Ellen Jenson
25 Sep. 2002
1) It was a cool September evening. The trees were turning gold, and the light was growing dim as the sun began to set. [5a] I was getting ready to put my arrows and my bow back into my case and call it a night when suddenly [7b] I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. There were three deer, two does and a year-old fawn, walking out on the meadow about fifty yards upwind from where I was sitting. While grazing, they began slowly [7b] to walk toward me, when I dropped an arrow and their heads popped up.  [7a]
2) [3a] The two does must have seen me, for they bounded into the woods. [4a] The fawn, however [8a], exercising either stupidity or curiosity, [9b] started to walk directly [7b] at me. Her tail was twitching back and forth almost like a dogís, and her head was bobbing up and down [9a] while checking the air current for scents [5b]. She knew that something was hidden in the bushes along the fence line, but she couldnít tell what it was. [7b] [6a]
3) [3a] My heart was pounding faster and louder by the second. [4b] The pounding became so loud in my ears that I thought surely the deer would hear it and bound into the woods. She didnít, but instead kept coming toward me. [7a]
4) [3a] She stopped about fifteen feet from me, still not being able to see me completely because of my camouflaged clothing. [4b] She just stood there, staring at me. [9b] She then pawed at the ground and snorted. [5b] Since snorting is a deerís way of checking the wind for scents and to tell other deer that something isnít right, it was clear that she knew something was there that shouldn't be.[9b] [6a]
5) [3a] Her nervousness [9b] spread to me. [4b] I thought that at any moment she might just run away. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and sweat beaded up on my face. A lump that felt like an orange welled up in my throat, and the sound of my heartís beating became unbearable. [5c] I was struck at how close she was; I could see the hairs on her mouth move as she breathed.[5b] She was so alive. [7b] [6a]
6)[3a] She looked at me once more with those big, shiny brown eyes and then bounded away. [4b] Her white tail, waving wildly, was the last part I saw as she disappeared into the darkness of the trees. [5b] [6b]
7) I will never forget that evening and the change that came over me. I was close enough to a deer to distinguish the individual hairs on its nose, and even though the incident lasted about three minutes, I hadnít even thought about raising my bow to shoot the deer. Iíve always loved hunting: the stalking, the waiting, the excitement of the kill. However [8a], now when I go out bowhunting, I go to have fun, to appreciate the sounds and beauty of nature. If I ever get close enough to a deer to shoot it, I seriously doubt that I could.  I can still see those big, brown eyes watching me. It would be sad indeed looking into them, knowing that they would never see again.
1) As is common in narrative papers, the introduction sets the scene. Notice the detail that allows readers to visualize the scene. The last sentence also raises expectation as deer meet bowhunter.
2) The thesis statement comes in the conclusion, as is common in narrative essays where action leads up to the point being made by the writer in describing the action.
3) Paragraphing helps readers keep track of the events.
a) Change in paragraph to indicate a change in focus between the hunter and the deer.
4) Narrative essays also make use of topic sentences.
a) Sets time and place for the details in the paragraph.
b) Focuses on details that lead to the overall point in the story.
5) Narrative essays use details to create a picture for the readers so that they can relive the experience with the writer.
a) Details are used to recreate the scene.
b) Details are used to recreate what the writer sees in the deer.
c) Details are used to recreate the writer's physical reaction.
6) Narrative essays also contain analysis since the writer is making a point with the story.
a) Sentence emphasizes the writer's overall feeling while looking at the deer.
b) Details make further analysis unnecessary by creating a picture of the live deer in action.
7) Tone is the writer's attitude toward her or his content.
a) Paragraph ends with an action that increases suspense.
b) Writer uses appropriate adverbs to add to drama of meeting.
8) Transitions are necessary to keep the story moving and to tie the story together.
a) Use of transition word or phrase.
b) Repetition or synonym of key word or phrase.
c) Use of comparative form to compare action or object to previous action or object.